• Susie Aguilar

Unsupportive Spouse? Tips To Communicate And Keep Going

Ever feel like your spouse just doesn’t get you? They don’t understand why you are so ambitious or wanting to switch paths? I get you my friend, I found myself stuck between keeping a healthy marriage while also wanting to pursue my dreams. We don’t have to put ourselves or our goals on the back burner, we just need to learn what to communicate to get our loved ones on board.


Sound impossible? I thought so too, but today we are shedding the past and discovering ways in which you can open the conversation with your spouse lovingly. Then we hone in one how we keep pushing forward EVEN when they just don’t understand. I’m sharing 3 key strategies that will help open up the conversation and help you continue to work towards your goals. You are deserving of dreaming big and achieving those goals.


Still feeling stuck or unsupported? It’s okay, that happened to me too and until I found an accountability partner, it was really hard to figure out how to pivot and keep pushing forward. I am here to mentor you along the way so you can dive deep into the path you want to take and together, we build a roadmap to get you there. No more struggling or doing this alone. Book your FREE strategy session with me today!


We are fierce women and we deserve to chase after what fuels us, now let’s do this!


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All My Love,

Susie Q

~ Prefer reading? Below is the full show transcript ~


(00:00):

Happy 10 year anniversary to me and my hubby. Yes, that's right. Today's episode is launching on my 10 year anniversary with my husband. And what better thing to talk about on today's episode, other than having an unsupportive spouse and how we can communicate so that we can keep pushing forward on our goals. I hope that I've peaked your interest and that you'll come on and join me.

(00:28):

All right, all right, I know that you're antsy to dive into this topic and I am super excited if you can't tell to share it with you. And I just have to be transparent. I had a conversation about this with my husband to kind of get his perspective on it too. So you're going to hear a little bit of my version of what I think are good tips and then a little bit of input from him too, because I think that's really helpful for us to understand the full picture. And before I jump into that, what I do want to share with you is this week's 5-star review, which comes from the free life mama and her five star review says:


(01:10):

Yes, yes, yes and yes! In all caps and an exclamation point because she was so excited! What free life mama says is:


(01:21):

"From a woman who sat in a job that she hated for years, because she was too scared to jump out into her calling, know that Susie has the goods. She is inspirational and motivational. Her show will get the wheels turning for creating the life that you actually desire. I love this show and I can't wait to keep listening. Susie, keep it coming."


(01:44):

Thank you, Free life mama for this incredible review. I appreciate you taking the time. And I know how you are feeling or were feeling earlier in your career. When you sat in a job that you were not satisfied with, right? Haven't we all been there at some point in our career where we just think there's no other option. So we just stay right where we're at. It can be really frustrating, challenging, and downright scary when we're in that situation. And I just want to say, thank you so much for leaving that review. I really appreciate hearing your feedback, knowing that this podcast is serving you and helping you to move forward and stay inspired.


(02:29):

And on that note, what I want to be able to share with you is that we don't have to sit in this frustration and feeling stuck because there are ways to move forward and having an accountability partner, someone that's there by your side, especially on today's topic of unsupportive spouses. Sometimes they don't get it. Sometimes they don't understand why we're so ambitious or why we want to make changes. Are you nodding your head shaking yes? I was there too at one point, trust me, you're not alone. And when that happens, we just want to know that we are not crazy for having these ideas to grow, to pivot, to do something different, to stretch outside of our comfort zones, to want to do something that may make a difference in the life of someone else.


(03:18):

Are you in agreement with me here? My friend, it's something that I know I'm not alone in struggling or thinking about. And that's the key is not doing this alone. And being able to rely on someone that can help you be accountable, that can help guide you through the process. That's what I love to do. And I want you to know that if you ever find yourself in that situation, that I'm here to help you through that, we don't have to stay frustrated. We don't have to feel like no one is supporting us. The support is here for you. I'm here to help you through that. Not feel stuck and challenged. And how do I get from point a to point B and build this roadmap? That is my specialty. I'm all about strategies. I'm all about goal setting and I help you unfold and uncover that.

(04:10):

And then guess what? We design your roadmap in the way that serves you. So that's what I want to remind you of is that you don't have to be doing this all alone and feeling frustrated. There's not a need for it. So if you're feeling in that spot, please reach out to me. My contact information is always linked in the show notes and we can schedule a free call to see how we can work together. So I just want to offer and extend that to you in case if you're feeling in that point of trying to decide where you're going in your career, and maybe you have an unsupportive spouse or a spouse that just doesn't understand your big ambitious goals, right? I'm guessing you're nodding your head with me, but I found myself there too.


(04:56):

So now let's talk about this beautiful conversation that I had with my husband. And here's the thing I have been in the entrepreneurship space for quite a few years. It's not something that's transformed overnight. And, you know, I just decided yesterday that I want to be the CEO of my own company. No, this has been something that I've tried different businesses in the past. And my husband has seen this unfold for me over the years. And what we did is I just asked him, Hey, you know, when I first came to you with this great idea that I wanted to try a business or that I thought of going for that promotion at work, right? Because I'm talking about not just transitioning into businesses, but if we're going for promotions, if we are thinking, maybe I want to pivot in my career and try this other field, whatever that transition looks like for you. It's a little bit different for each one of us.


(05:53):

What I asked him was when I approached him, what were the things that made him be open to the idea. And in that conversation, one of the sweetest things that I have to share with you, because I want to precursor the show with is that I am very fortunate. I do have an extremely supporting husband and he has been on this journey with me since we started dating, of him seeing me going through school, getting my degrees and all the different changes and opportunities that have come my way, that he has been a part of, he supported. He helped, you know, with the kids and making sure that things were taken care of. So it's not to brag or boast, but it's to say that we've had an open conversation and open relationship where we have these conversations.


(06:49):

So that would be my very first tip is you have to be willing to have open conversation and ready to share things when they're also interested in your success or interested in what you're working towards that way, they kind of get a better understanding of where you're coming from. Being willing to have those open conversations is something that I think is really critical to starting today's episode.


(07:18):

In case you just heard a super loud bang. Yes. That was miss Wonka notifying me that she wanted to enter my office while I'm recording here. So if you heard a loud bang on the door. Yeah. My friends, my apologies, the cohost has arrived now!


(07:36):

As I was telling you my hubby and I, we did have this conversation just to kind of get a sense of his perspective. Because it's not just about me only sharing with you, my thoughts, but I thought what a great idea to also share the perspective from his view. Now, like I said, he's been super supportive, but the reality is that at one point or at, I guess, little points along the way, there have been times that he's been like, "you know, you're too ambitious" or not too ambitious. I take that back, but he will see things as well, I have this 500,000 foot level view of where I see, I want to go and I'll express that. And I'll say, I see myself here in so many years and this is my goal. He's like, wow, you really see that happening? And it's like, yes, yes I do. So it's not to say that we haven't disagreed on things. That's not to say that we haven't, seen things, you know, from different perspectives. We don't always see eye to eye, so it's not perfect. I'm not telling you that it's perfect. I'm not telling you that he's blatantly unsupportive, but I want to be transparent because I think it's important for us to know that every one of us, when we're facing these big transitions, we all are faced with different challenges. And a lot of times it could be someone in our life that's unsupportive, but sometimes it's just our own fear holding us back. And today I want to dive into what those things can look like for you and how you can help your spouse if they're being unsupportive and maybe help them see it from a little bit different perspective.


(09:24):

One of the things that I thought was really cute when I asked my husband, you know, how as a woman do we approach our spouse to even open the conversation. And it's so funny to me and I say cute, because I just, Oh my gosh, I think it's the male perspective is a little bit different than the female perspective. But what he said was, you know, timing and when the conversation is happening. So according to his recommendation, you know, he wants to have those types of conversations when he's not working. Like on an off day and having a good homemade meal is always a good idea with maybe a cold beer in hand. He's like, yeah, you know how to weave your way to my heart is through my belly and through food. So sure that I think that works. And then just simply start the conversation with, "Hey, you know, I've been thinking about something. Can we talk about it?" And I thought that was really good advice. You know, I don't know for me, if having one of those candid conversations means having a hearty meal, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. And sometimes maybe a glass of wine will help too. So I love that it's simple. We don't have to overthink it. We don't have to come up with this huge elusive plan of how we're gonna spill the beans with our spouse.

(10:56):

We can keep it simple and just open up that conversation. And I would recommend that the very first time that you are ready to have that conversation with your spouse, that you definitely keep it simple for the very first conversation. You don't want to bombard them with all these details and this business plan or this career transition plan. Because that's going to overwhelm 'em, like, you've been thinking about this for how long, and you're just barely talking to me about it? ,We don't want them to feel like they're being blindsided. So we want to just have a conversation. "Hey, this has been on my mind. Or I saw this promotional opportunity" or, you know, whatever that looks like for you. We want to open it up very simply have an open conversation.


(11:44):

And I would advise to try our very best to not be defensive because sometimes we're already defending things. If we're just having an open conversation, we need to learn how to be open minded about it. So let's keep that in mind. And so that's my first tip is that when we do open up that conversation, let's keep it high level, keep it simple, very basic initially, and then allow for the opportunity, if they have questions for you. They may not want to hear every detail, but some spouses do want to hear every detail. My husband is kind of, I would say in between, he doesn't want to know the nitty gritty. Like how do you do social media? How do you do your book, keeping, you know, and all these different things that go into running a business or what skills I need to make that transition into that promotional opportunity, right? They may not care or be interested in those nitty gritty details.


(12:47):

And we shouldn't take offense to that because it's just like him talking about, if it's sports or cars or whatever his hobby is in heavy detail and to you, it just is not of interest. Well, same for this. Let them ask questions. If that's something they're interested in, but started off high level. And if they want to get into the nitty gritty detail with you, be open to answering those questions, I think that can make for a really good conversation. And then you can share with them things that may get them excited. Remember that this initial conversation is not going to be the only conversation you ever have about this topic, but it's a good idea to just have a good first conversation to kind of set the expectation, to let them know what's on your radar, what you've been thinking.


(13:39):

And then just go from there and have these times where you can check in maybe once a week, once every couple of weeks and let them know where you're at and the things that you're doing. Or maybe it's even more often than that. If you're trying to get a promotion and there is a timeline. Might be quicker and something that you need to speed up that conversation, but don't bombard them in the very first time that you mentioned it. We want them to be able to absorb and consume it and get ready for, okay, well, what does this mean?


(14:10):

Then the next thing is we need to be consistent. So whatever it is that you are looking to pivot and transition to, we need to show our spouse that we, no matter what, whether their response or reaction was positive or negative, we are not quitting on ourselves. We are being consistent. We are showing up for ourselves no matter what. And especially this is true, if it's a huge pivot for you, because if you're saying, you know, I'm in the engineering industry, but I want to go be a bowmaker that you make bows and ties from home. They're not going to understand why you would go from one thing to the other. It doesn't matter how big or how small it is. They may not understand. And I want you to be prepared for that. I don't want you to feel shocked when your spouse isn't like woo onboard a thousand percent because they don't understand it. Like, where did this come from? Why are you thinking this way? Right? Those might be questions you're faced with. I want to help prepare you for a successful conversation with them. And then the reason why you have to be consistent for yourself is because once they see that you are showing up consistently nonstop, you're not deviating from this path that you have determined as the one you want to keep pushing forward on.


(15:40):

They see that you're being resilient no matter if they're supportive or not. And I believe that this can help the tide turn just a little bit in your favor and they'll start getting a little bit more interested and a little bit more curious. Maybe they'll ask some more questions, but you slowly chip away at it, no matter what, regardless of the situation or the support, or non-support you get from your spouse, but you're demonstrating consistency and commitment on your part. And I really believe that it'll make them become curious over time.

(16:19):

Next, you need to know your why. My third tip here is that when you're having these conversations or you're working on that goal is being very clear on what your goal is and demonstrating why that's so important to you for your spouse. Things that you might ask yourself here is, well, how will this change positively impact our marriage, our finances, our household. You know, if we're making a little sacrifice, now, maybe it's in your time, you're sacrificing some time away from the things you love. Spending time with your family, doing things with your family, or maybe it's a financial sacrifice. You have to invest in getting that certification or taking that course so that you can pivot into that new path you want to venture into.


(17:15):

Okay. So talk about how that sacrifice in the front end is going to pay off immensely on the backend later on. Because they want to see, well, if we're sacrificing now or investing time and money, what do I get out of this? Well, honey, you know, if I spend five hours a week now and growing my business and I can retire you in a year and then you can be home with me. I'm just giving you an example, but that's a really tangible thing for them be incentivized by, right? Or, you know, if I dedicate five hours of my business or of my time to my business, and I make a thousand dollars a week, we'll be debt free by six months from now. Or we can buy that toy we've been looking at, you know, the new ATC or adding a pool in our home. Whatever that perk, that benefit is for you and your family, whatever that why is for why you want to do this change, then explain that to them, help them understand.


(18:26):

Because when we associate the point A with the point B and we recognize it might be hard work to get there. But once we do the gratification is going to be that much greater than we're more curious and maybe open to the idea, right? Because who doesn't like a good incentive or knowing what the longterm benefit will be for us. So that's really what I want to hone in on is if he's got an open mind, if your spouse has an open mind and wants to understand what those longterm benefits are, it's a really good point for you to come prepared with those pieces of your conversation already listed out or brainstormed. And you can share that with them.


(19:14):

The last thing I want to leave you with is to just flip the script a little bit here, reverse the role, and imagine that your spouse is coming to you saying that they have this whole new idea of what they want to do. A change that they want to make or something that they want to try. How can they approach you in a way that you could be supportive or open-minded and what that would feel like for you? Because I think if we put ourselves in the other person's shoes, we can get a little bit of a different gauge, right? And I understand as men and women, that's going to look a bit different, right? You heard my husband's perspective on when to have the conversation, cook them a good meal and bring them up here, which is great. You know, I think that's awesome to have that. And for us as women, maybe that's not the key to convince us, right. Or for us to be on board with this idea.


(20:11):

But what does that look like for you and how can you reverse it and how can you be thoughtful in delivering that message and delivering that conversation and being open minded. One of the things that I will fully confess here, and I am making the assumption that this happens to you too, but we get so ambitious about the goals and the things that we want to do, that our excitement just gets the best of us, right? We want to do these humongous grand things instantly tomorrow, today, this moment it's all going to happen overnight. But the truth is that it takes time and it takes hard work. If someone is promising you, that you can make a huge change from one day to the next, earn a bajillion dollars from one day to the next, my friends, that's a lie. That's false. It's not true.


(21:09):

It takes grit. It takes hard work and it takes dedication to be consistent. I want you to be able to keep looking ahead at your vision and do something daily that helps you work towards that goal. So I hope that these tips have been helpful to you. I hope that my conversation with my husband made you smile just a little bit more today, made you giggle and gave you a little bit of a back scenes, behind the scenes view of what it's like of being a full time career woman, plus owning and running a business, motherhood, all the things in between household, right? All those things that we are fantastic at juggling all the things, but how do we have these conversations so that we don't have an unsupportive spouse. We want them to be on board. We want to be on the same page.


(22:07):

And the truth is I have to really lay it out there and say, I know that that's not the case for all of us, right? Some of us have very toxic relationships at home where our spouse just doesn't get it. They don't support us. And I'm not here to give you marriage advice. That's a whole different specialty. That is not my forte. However, I do want you to remember, to keep showing up for yourself. You are deserving of pushing forward on that goal and maybe your spouse doesn't see it. Maybe they don't understand it. And that doesn't mean that you have to stop. We're not going to be victim. We're not going to sit here and let someone else be the excuse or the reason why we say, "Oh, I can't really do that thing. I can't really be persistent on this goal because I just don't have the support."


(22:59):

There have been times and periods where I have had zero support in my life. And I had to take ownership. I had to pull my britches up and say, Hey, guess what? Today I'm doing this for me. It's for myself. It's for my future. And in the end it benefited my daughter. It benefited my husband. It benefited my boys. You know, whatever that looks like. But in my position, in my situation, sometimes you just have to dig deep. And that's what I want to encourage you to take a step back. If you feel like you're not getting that support at home, remember that you don't have to do this alone. I'm here for you. And you are not going to use that as an excuse.


(23:45):

You got that? I'm here to share that tough love with you! And I hope that you can understand where I'm coming from, because I don't want to see you give up on your dreams. I don't want to see you make excuses or use someone else as the reason why you cannot push forward because you can, there are ways to do it. You've got lunch breaks. You've got different parts of your day. If you're an at home mom warrior, you can use those nap times as power blocks for you to do the things that you need to do to grow yourself. And I am here to help you on that journey.


(24:25):

As usual, I want to wrap up the show with a quote to inspire you. And I am coining this one for my husband, because I have a grease monkey of a husband who I absolutely adore. If you can't tell. And he watches a show called full custom garage. And I watch his shows with him too, right? Because we are supporting are men as well. And I don't remember the gentleman's name on the show, but he said something that really, I think fits this situation is that:


(24:59):

"You don't grow unless you are challenged"

(25:02):

And isn't that true? If we have an unsupportive spouse or they're not seeing things eye to eye with us, it can really feel challenging. And I tell you all the time on the other side of pain, fear and all that challenging stuff that comes our way is a huge amount of abundance of growth and lessons. So let's utilize this as a catalyst to help push us forward. We're not going to get stuck in it. We're not going to refuse to keep pushing forward because we don't have a hundred percent support.


(25:40):

Start small every day.

Do one little thing that helps you push forward.


(25:45):

I hope that this topic has helped you, my friends, and that you feel inspired to have an open conversation with your spouse and help them become a supportive, loving spouse on your journey. I hope that you have a beautiful weekend and I just have to say one last time, happy anniversary to my beautiful and amazing husband. And I hope that all of you are having a fantastic day. I'm your host, Susie Q and my sidekick Wonka here as my cohost signing off.

Hey Lovely ~ Before you go, are you wanting to dive deeper on how to embrace your fears and pivot in your life and career? I have free resources and tools for you!

  • Are you wanting to combat fear? If you said yes, grab your FREE simple handout today!

  • Something I share about is the importance of setting a foundation and boundaries in our life and career. We do that by identifying our values and I have a free worksheet you can download if you are ready to pinpoint them in either English or Spanish.

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Susie Aguilar

Unorthodox Business Mom

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