• Susie Aguilar

Change Is SCARY! Learn The Stages Of FEAR When Pivoting

It's time to embrace change! Between the unknowns, learning new things and trying to figure it out, it is not easy. The truth is, change is inevitable. Whether you are pivoting in your career or life, you need to recognize the different stages of dealing with change to help you on your journey.

Tune in to learn how to recognize the different stages of fear and tips on how to embrace FEAR.

If you’re nodding your head yes as you tune in, then it’s time to bring in someone with a fresh perspective. I offer 1:1 strategy sessions where we can hammer out a plan of action that is going to set your momentum on overdrive. If you’re ready, then head over to https://www.unorthodoxbusinessmom.com/contactme and let’s get you on the books for August before all my slots fill up.

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We are fierce women and we deserve to chase after what fuels us, now let’s do this!

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All My Love,

Susie Q

~ Prefer reading? Below is the full show transcript ~

Welcome back friends. I wanted to share a little sneak peek with you from a live video that I did in my Facebook group last week that I thought would be perfect to share here with you guys. And I thought that this would be a great way for you to see why coming and joining the community would be a great way for us to continue the conversation because you know that my goal is to help women bust through the barriers of the lies that fear tells us and keep us pushing forward towards our goals. So I hope that you enjoy this snippet of the video that I did for them last week, and that you can see how you can apply the thoughts about fear and the different stages we face while we're pivoting in your own life and career. So I can't wait for you to come on in and listen to the show.

Hey, beautiful friends. I hope that everyone is having an amazing Friday. The weekend is almost here. And I don't know if you could tell, but I'm super excited about that because I've got a lot of things that I want to get done. And it's just during the week, it feels like it's that much harder to try and balance all the things and do everything you need to do. Plus an extra layer of, to do's that I always like to add on. Has that ever happened to you where you just like, Oh, I only have two things on my to do list and then it suddenly grows to about five different items. It's exhausting. Right. But anyhow, um, so I'm looking forward to doing some organization around the house this weekend, and I'm curious if you have any plans of what you might be doing or working on this weekend yourself.

And if you caught the title of today's message is I want to talk about something that can feel quite a bit scary. And that is change. Change is one of those things that, because it's so different, there's a lot of unknown elements. It can feel really scary. Right. Have you ever felt that way? Were you like, Oh my gosh, something's about to change. Or when something suddenly changes AKA right now the coronavirus pandemic, right? Aren't we all in this state of unknown and uncertainty. So everything that we knew before this timeframe has absolutely changed. And if anything been flipped upside down on its head and shaken a few times, right. It can feel like it can feel extremely overwhelming. And I just know that for me, when I'm facing some change, there's a few signs and symptoms that I tend to notice happening.

I thought it would be kind of neat to walk you through this journey that my family has been on recently, that I think can help us in different areas of our life that may be facing some sort of a pivot or a big change, right. Especially if we're in our careers and we're trying to transition into something new, it feels really scary, but there's these little things that tend to happen that I believe it's like a relief to know, okay, there's this ebb and flow that happens when change and pivot and transformation is going to happen. That even though in the moment, it may not feel too great. It's I know that there's a Valley, right or a lull in that process that's coming. And then we're going to go back uphill again. So for us, that journey has been homeschooling right now.

Quite frankly, it was something that had been on our mind probably for the last couple months, as we knew there were going to be changes in the school system and what was happening here in California, as far as what going back to school was going to look like, which just is not happening. And it's unfortunate really, because I think that the kids get a completely different engagement in school, but that's just my opinion. Um, and this is not intended to be anything political, but what I do want to share is that as we contemplated this decision, I knew that there was going to be change. It was either going to be changed in the form of my daughter, going back to school. And it was going to look really different. My daughter being in school, but virtually online or us just deciding that we were going to go our own route.

So either way there was three possibilities and each one of those meant change, right. That something different was about to happen, that we were not sure of. And quite honestly, here in our local city, it was very unknown until the very last moment I feel. I'm sure I'm not the only parent that feels this way, but it felt like the answers were not coming. We weren't being communicated with. We just didn't have answers. There was no clarity on where to go. And when you don't have clarity, that just makes it even bigger mess out of the situation. Doesn't it? Because we're like, where are we going? What are the possibilities? I don't even know what I'm deciding because there is nothing to get decided upon without understanding what my options are. And that's how a lot of the parents here in our local city felt.

So I can only imagine probably you feel the same way, or you've experienced something like this, insert, whatever transition or pivot or upcoming change, right. That you face in your life and applied this concept to that because it's uncomfortable. Isn't it? Like for us, it was very uncomfortable. I just felt like I was, things were always up in the air. You know, the analogy of you're always juggling a bunch of things at one time. That's how I felt. I felt like we were just juggling this unknown variety of options we were going to at some point get, and we still had no answers. So then we did find out what options we were going to have and guess what happened? They weren't all that great. Like we were not very impressed with the options and they seemed kind of silly. And in fact, they gave us too many options and that's just my opinion.

We got three different options here locally, and it was just too much. It was like, okay, can we just if a doesn't happen, let's go with plan B. You know? And just because we knew that going in person was going to be very limited. Anyhow, that's a whole other can of worms. But what I'm trying to get at is that the more options that we give ourselves also makes it more complicated. Also confuses us and also drives to the fact that we don't have enough clarity because we've got a bunch of different things. And I don't know if you've ever heard the saying, which is, you know, focus on one thing at a time. Yes, absolutely. It's hard. Especially if you're a mom and you're in a career and you have a business and you have your kids and you're trying to manage all the things.

It's a lot to figure out. And you literally have to put on the thinking cap and do one thing at a time because when we're all over the place and we're scattered, guess what happens? Nothing, absolutely nothing. And I know that's not easy to hear. I know that it's, it seems like a good idea to have all these things going on at the same time and looking all around us and figuring out the best options. And trust me, that was me. I was that mom that was like, Oh my God, if the schooling option doesn't work, then how do we transition this for us to handle everything at home? And I was doing research and I was in mom groups and I was asking other homeschoolers and I was researching and researching and researching. And then I just got burnt out where I just didn't even want to think about it.

So then you go into this period of denial, right? So the first step is overwhelmed. And then it's like denial taking a step back, feeling like, Oh my gosh, I can't handle this. Maybe if I don't look at it, it's not, nothing's going to happen with it. Right. Maybe I don't ever change. Maybe it'll just be what it is and it'll work itself out. Sometimes it does. I won't lie and say that it doesn't, however, that's not ideal either, but it's just, it's a true fact. It's what happens. And this was the period of emotions that I was going through and my daughter was going through. That's what I recognize in this process is that then our energy also becomes contagious. So when I was like scramble brained, as I would call it, trying to figure out, researching all the things, trying to get ideas, figuring out what would be the best option for her last two of high school to last two years of high school, I was an overwhelm.

And she, at that point was like, eh, I don't care. In the beginning. It wasn't that big of a deal. But then once I started evaluating and then I kind of took a step back and just kind of felt like, I didn't know what to do. And I just took a back seat for a moment. Then she was curious like, mom, so what are we doing? What school was it? What direction are we going in? You know? And then she started asking all the questions. So then her curiosity began to get peaked. So then we started the conversation again and then it was okay, well, here's the options that I found. Now you go do a little bit of your own research, right? So I had her doing a little bit of research and then she came back with some ideas. And if you have older kids, I urge you to try letting them do a little bit of discovery on their own, just because you never know what's going to happen.

As far as what things they might find that really interest them or what things just completely turn them off too. I think that's really helpful. So I'd let her do a little bit of her own research, which was fantastic. She did that. She came back with ideas. She said, these are the things that she found interesting. And so then we dug deeper on those specific things. So like I said, first thing was overwhelmed. Step two is like, well falling backwards and in denial. And then the next phase of this process when we're facing change, I think is that research right? And learning, being open to learning, being open to opportunities. And so we did that together. I let her do a little bit on her own. I did a little bit on my own. And then we just started to blend that vision together, which was a really beautiful thing.

In that process of us blending our research ideas, right? Both of us had our own ideas. Yes. We both chatted about what we thought would work best for her and her learning style and the types of things that she was interested in. And then we just dug a little bit deeper slowly. Like we didn't just get consumed by it. And we would spend, we talked every day and we said, okay, we're going to spend so much time each night researching or talking about it and figuring out what's the best. Literally my friends, this is what happened to us. School was supposed to start on Monday on Sunday, all day or most of the day, we spent a few hours together, just hunkering down, watching videos.

We went through the curriculums that she was interested in, and we tried to find things that would interest her. We, we got all the different ideas together, looking at videos, curriculums, like I was saying. And what ended up happening is we, like, I felt like we just pulled the trigger because we hadn't been clear on where we were going. We weren't too sure. So fast forward Monday school starts and I say, Nope, don't worry about school. You're now doing homeschooling. So then Monday and Tuesday, we dug into purchasing the curriculum, finding the models of things that work best for her. She dug in.

And let me tell you guys, so once you commit commit, that's the next thing is you go from overwhelmed to denial, to learning and being open to new things, right? Then you go into true commitment. And once you made that decision go all in like go completely all in to whatever it is that you are working towards, because it's not easy. I know that I'm not saying that this is simple and pie in the sky. What I am saying is that it's necessary and we need to commit to that. And let me tell you something that was so incredibly powerful about this. We are a week into homeschooling. In those lets even say four days, right?

In those four days, let me tell you the difference that has happened. My daughter's attitude and like personality has become much more upbeat. And I think part of that is because she has ownership over her education right now. So apply that to whatever it is that you're facing as a challenge in your own life or career is that whenever we are faced with something and we start to figure out a possible solution or a different way to transition, right. And pivot, how do you take ownership of it? Well, for her having done the research, I made her tell me how much is this going to cost?

And you're going to justify why this is good for you and why we should pay for it. I made her do the work, but she felt so good. And she was really engaged in the process. And she sat here on my computer while I was working during the day. And she just sat here:

"Mom, so there's this curriculum mom. So I found this and if I get these two and I blend them together, it makes this whole semester, blah, blah, blah."

Right? All the details. It was incredible. But it was because I gave her ownership. I gave her opportunity to take the lead and to run with it. So when we're faced with something, you have to commit, you have to start taking those steps forward. And it doesn't have to be huge. Like I shared with you, our process was a little baby step at a time, figuring it out, piecing the things together. And then it was like, okay, you're not going to this thing. Now you are going here. And once we committed, she has been all in. I'm not even look, I can be the helicopter hovering mom.

Okay. If you guys know what I'm talking about, where you want to monitor your kids and just watch over them constantly and making sure they're on track, that has actually stopped. And I feel great about that because now she has this opportunity to form her education. And I'm not saying I'm not involved. If anything, I'm way more involved right now, completely more involved because she wants to include me in the conversation, which is amazing. Like I'll check in on her. Like I normally would in a regular school day, he could, Oh, how was your school? You know, her dad asked her the same question. How was your day today? Fantastic. Well, guess what? Now she, what I was talking about, her personality and the attitude change. She's way more positive. She was like:

"Hey mom, yeah math isn't, she's working on math right now, math isn't my funnest subject. It's not my favorite, but I'm doing it. And I liked that the way that they're teaching me. And they're very helpful in the way I'm learning."

Fantastic. That's a win-win right there. She's upbeat about it. She's not complaining about like the school drama she was experiencing. So it's been incredible to her personality coming out. She's more involved in things around the house I used to have to force her. And this is me being very transparent because if you have teenagers, you know what I'm talking about? I had to force her and say, okay, I want you to come out of your room at least two hours every day. Like she just wanted to hide out in her room constantly. And it wasn't even like just to watch TV or whatever. Like she loves to read books, which is amazing.

But even still like interact with your family, come hang out with us, have dinner together. Like that was my role. We have dinner together, but I had to force it. Now she's out way before I ever told her to. And she comes out way more often and is more involved with all of us. It's a huge transformation. And yeah. So why I share it from this perspective is because it's something that obviously is very new and fresh for us, but because it makes a world of a difference. And because I'm seeing her just before my eyes growing up into this young woman, which is a beautiful journey at the same time, it's very scary as a mama, right? Because we want to nurture and have them be our babies forever and protect them from everything. But the truth is that when we recognize that we should embrace change and that even though it's scary, and even though it's uncomfortable and there's all these unknowns, that it is a beautiful journey, it's an opportunity for incredible growth.

And in this case, it has brought me and my daughter to become so much closer because of it, like now that I'm home with her and she is enjoying this journey, I feel like we're way more bonded in the last four days than we have been in weeks or months. And that's pretty impactful. I think. So I want to invite you to think about that and apply this type of phasing and recognizing like where you may be when you are faced with challenges and change to figure out where are you at in that journey. And to know that there's an upend, because once you commit, like I was saying, once you commit, you start showing up and taking these little steps every single day, there is this upward motion that starts to happen. That's incredibly powerful. And it's a beautiful opportunity. So I want to invite you to think about where have you experienced these types of things before?

Have you ever felt yourself, like just feeling stuck in maybe that denial stage, right. Or maybe just in the heavy research mode and you never get out of it? I will be very honest about that because I am a researcher by nature. I want to know all the things I want to know. The ins and outs forwards and backwards, every single detail. And I drive myself crazy and I drive everyone else crazy in the process if I'm being completely transparent here, but that's okay. That's who I am. And I know that, but I also know that that's not healthy for me and for the people in my life, either because you have to get going, you have to decide and take action in one direction or another. So when we're faced with all these different variety of options and change and things that may be coming our way planned or unplanned, we get to prepare ourselves.

And this is how you do it is first. You have to be aware. So today I wanted to take you on this journey of how we became aware of, even though the change was scary. And even though there was a lot of unknowns and we're not experts in homeschooling, we're figuring it out. And so we went from being overwhelmed to going into denial, to researching, to then moving forward and committing, and then taking these baby steps along the way to just make it happen through action. So I hope that this is helpful for you. I know it was a little bit longer than usual, but I did want to make sure that we talk about those things that make us uncomfortable. Because like I said, at the beginning, change is scary. Change is something that a lot of us do not want to even deal with or look at.

And I tend to go on the opposite end of the spectrum. Yeah. Change is scary, but I love it because I feel that it brings up so much opportunity and you can see things just change before your eyes and really great ways. It could go bad too, for sure. But then again, guess what you can change again, you can pivot again, if you're going for a career and it just didn't work out. Guess what you try for the next one and work towards that goal. If you're transitioning out of corporate America and going into full time entrepreneurship, it's going to be scary. You're going to go through all these phases. We're going to doubt ourself, right? But guess what? It's totally doable. It's totally possible. And we can set goals to get us to that point. Well, that was kind of how I worked it out with my daughter.

We set these goals that we had to figure out what decision we were making for this journey. And now we're working on our plan for how her schooling year is going to work because she wants to graduate early. So you better believe that this mom is going to be all over it, helping her with goal setting, working our way backwards and building a roadmap that works for her. That's how we do it is we gotta be strategic about it. We gotta be mindful and thinking about what's the next step I can take. So if you are faced with those challenges, let me know. And I'm here to help you in that process because doing it alone is even scarier. If I'm being completely honest. So thanks for tuning in. I appreciate you coming by and listening. And if you have any questions or if you've experienced any change, please let me know. And I'd love to hear from you to see what things you've experienced on this journey that we go through during change and pivot in our life.

Hey Lovely ~ Before you go, are you wanting to dive deeper on how to embrace your fears and pivot in your life and career? I have free resources and tools for you!

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