• Susie Aguilar

Spouse Sabotaging Your Business? Signs To Look For....Part 2

Not sure if your spouse is sabotaging your business unintentionally? Signs to look for that are silent disrupters.

I’m sharing…

  • How to reframe how you talk about your business

  • Are we self-sabotaging our own business?

  • How to have an open and honest conversation with your spouse

  • Creating more intentional moments

  • Where is the disconnect?

  • Are your expectations in alignment with your spouse?

  • Gain awareness for signs of potential sabotage

If you are nodding your head yes as you tune in, then it’s time to bring in someone with a fresh perspective. I offer 1:1 strategy sessions where we can hammer out a plan of action that is going to set your momentum on overdrive. If you’re ready, then head over to https://www.unorthodoxbusinessmom.com/contactme and let’s get you on the books for August before all my slots fill up.

We are fierce women and we deserve to chase after what fuels us, now let’s do this!

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Learn more at www.unorthodoxbusinessmom.com

All My Love,

Susie Q

~ Prefer reading? Below is the full show transcript ~

Last week. I shared with you a few things to consider. If you think that your spouse may be sabotaging your business growth unintentionally, I went into more of how to deal with it. But today I'm going to flip it a little bit because I want to take a little bit of a deeper dive into what it looks like and what signs you should be looking for.

All right, ladies, are you ready for part two of whether or not our spouse may be sabotaging our business here? I know that I've peaked your interest because what a JUICY topic, right? I mean, this could go many ways and I want to preface this with no, this is not a husband bashing episode, not at all. But sometimes there's signs and things that we need to look for that maybe we don't recognize, or we just don't see them as a potential challenge in making some progress in our business.

I thought it would be helpful to share these things with you because the feedback that I'm getting is that these are the episodes that are kind of helping you reframe how you talk about your business. And if this is one of those episodes that really helps you, please let me know. So that way I can keep bringing this type of content back for you. You can reach out to me on Instagram at Unorthodox Business Mom, or you can just reply to me on my website. You can go and connect with me there. And another place I like to hang out is in my Facebook group, which is the She Embraces FEAR Movement. You can join us there to have conversations about fear and any transitions and pivots that we may be facing in our life or in our career. And I would love to have an open conversation with you there. So come hang out with us and let's continue the conversation.

Now, speaking of conversations, right? That's kind of how I introduced this topic last week is that when it comes to sabotage and this could be self sabotage too, right? Because sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Are any of you shaking your head with me? Because I know that I'm guilty of that myself, but when it comes to our spouse or significant other, or even sometimes our family, there are these little signs that you might be picking up on, or actually might be slipping by you under the radar, because you just don't recognize it as a potential thing that they may be doing. And quite frankly, they don't know that they're doing it. So I hope that these tips I share with you today are going to benefit you in recognizing these signs and then having an open and honest conversation with your loved ones to share with them. Hey, I noticed this, I don't think you're doing it on purpose. How can we work through this so that I can successfully work on my business? And then that helps us create more intentional moments together, too. I'm going to get into that as I get into these tips and signs for you to look for.

One of the things that I think is just like an umbrella over all of this is that if we ourselves, as the business owner do not take our business seriously, who else is going to take our business seriously? Right? The thing that we need to be clear about here, and I am going to do a future episode specifically on this topic. But as when we're talking about our business, this is our business. We treat it like our business. Sometimes if there is that underlying sabotage happening, your significant other may not really take your business very seriously, right? They're like, Oh, it's not that big of a deal. It's that little business you do. Or it's just a hobby for you. Like you're not making money at it. Or, you know, it's just like a thing you do every once in a while. They play it down as if it's not that big of a deal. Well, what I would ask you is if that's kind of the vibe you're getting, how are you talking about and showing the importance of your business yourself? Like, what's your language, what's your own presentation of it, right? When you talk to people, when you talk to your family, to your spouse, do you minimize it by saying, Oh yeah, that little business, that little side hustle, that little thing I do, it's fun, you know, and I'm just enjoying it.

Or I'm working really hard to build this business and I absolutely love it. And I'm going to make it be successful. There's a big difference in tone there and how we present it and how other people acknowledge it as well. So I want to emphasize that we need to be the driver and how we present it. So that hopefully those around us, that care about us and in particular, our spouse, right? We want them to be on board. We want them to know that we really mean business about growing and being successful at what we're doing. So we take the wheel here in how we present it.

Then a couple of things that may be at odds here and not in your favor, that may be happening with your spouse. And quite frankly, it, it seems like they might be making it impossible for you to work on your business. I know that can sound a little bit harsh, but it's true. If we recognize what the signs are.

One of the things is that, you know, let's say your spouse is working. Maybe you're working too, and you have a business or you're at home with the kids taking care of them. And then you're also trying to grow business. Sometimes our spouses will unintentionally make it a, not such a big deal to help watching the kids when they have some free time, because maybe they feel it's just their own free time and not time for them to hang out with the kiddos. So that's one of the things that may be happening is even though you've emphasized, I really need some help. Can you give me some time with the kids? And they decide not to help you. That's one of the ways that they may be sending that subliminal message of your business is not that important. And I really don't want to take care of the kids. They're not saying that outright to you, but that might be how you're interpreting that coming across.

The next thing you may notice is that let's say you have had that conversation, okay. These are the hours that I need to work. My business. Will you take care of the kids or take care of the household responsibilities during this block of time? And then all of a sudden when you say, okay, you know, it's five o'clock, I'm ready to sit down and start hustling on my business and then guess what happens? They have made plans. They planned something to do, and it could be plans on their own. Or they could say, Hey, guess what, babe, I made us reservations, or I did this thing for us. We got to leave now. And you're like, wait, what, what do you mean? I it's five o'clock I need to be working on my business and my thing. And they're like, Oh yeah, I forgot. That's okay. You could just do it tomorrow. You know? And again, it's not like they're being malicious about it, but they just don't raise it to the level of importance that you have in your mind. So where's that disconnect for us, right? Where do we need to help them understand where we're at and where they are at?

The next thing could be that, well, let's just say that you're at home. And it could be that you have a full time job and your business, or you are just at home with the kids, right? Like it could be either way, your full time job is being mom and teacher and you know, taking care of all the household, things, all those types of combination of things that come together in that package. It's huge. Right? So whatever that situation looks like, because I know it's unique for each and every one of us, but for some reason, your spouse finds that you taking care of the household work is more important than you working on your business. And to me, that's a miscommunication thing. Again, only because we need to have an open dialogue with our spouses to say, Hey, this is what I'm thinking about doing with my business. This is the time I need to dedicate to it.

Can we come to some sort of agreement if you know, taking care of the house is something that's really important to them, then how can you like trade and barter with them to say, okay, great. You know, like I understand. And I think it's important for, you know, me taking care of the household, things that are important, but at the same time, I need some time to work on my business because that's important to me too. So can we come to some sort of mutual agreement on how to balance that? And you know, when certain things get done around the house or whatnot, so just stuff like that, right? Because we need to have those conversations. Otherwise, the expectations that you have versus what he has is going to be completely different. And then all that causes his frustration and disappointment and potentially arguments. We're trying to avoid that, right? Because we want to have a successful family, home, life, business, life, all those things combined together. But we have to have those open conversations.

The next thing that you might sense, our spouses may unintentionally make us feel guilty, that we're missing out on, hanging out with them, spent time together watching TV, or just lounging around the house. And they make us feel bad about it. And they may not really mean to, but it happens.

And this is where I want to put in a plug for setting boundaries. And I don't mean setting boundaries and telling your spouse, Hey, I don't care. You know, no, I don't mean anything like that because that's not the point. I believe that the reason why we're trying to build a successful business is so that we can have time freedom so that we can design our schedule and our life, the way that we want. So what does that mean? That means controlling your time. That means controlling the way you run your business. And what does that structure look like? Well, if you don't have a structure in place and you just kind of wing it, then everything gets winged, right? For lack of a better term, we want to have a little bit of a structure and boundaries in place where it's like, okay, hun, I need to work you know, for two hours, every single day, Monday through Friday.

I'm just throwing you guys an example here. I need to have this block of time. But then when I'm done with those two hours after I finish being very focused and intentional on actually doing my business, then the rest of the night is yours. Like I am with you, I'm with the kids. It's family time, it's dinner time. And just being intentional and focused with your time when you are together, because there's nothing I believe more frustrating or disappointing than if I'm coming to hang out with you and you're sitting there on your phone or you're doing something else and not paying attention to me. Well, we have to remember that they feel that way too. Like they want attention. They want love. They want to feel that you're connecting with them. And I absolutely understand why, because I don't like it when it's being done to me.

Right? Like what's the saying is let's not treat other or treat others the way we want to be treated. That's really the goal of this is we want to be mindful of how we are creating this environment around us and be caring to our spouses and the needs of our family. That's really what it boils down to for me. So this is why I really want you to understand that the foundations for this is having open communication with your spouse and then being very, as regimented as you can be and having some sort of a structure for when you work your business. And when you manage things in your household, because those are key things that are going to make it more beneficial. And now I know if you tuned into Wednesday's episode, I talked about giving yourself some grace and not having everything be perfect.

And we don't have all the answers and I'm not deviating from that. But what I am saying is that we cannot use our family and our spouses as excuses to just do things Willy nilly, because then it's going to make it a lot more challenging. We need to, you know, take a look at what our situations are and be flexible, right? That's what I believe this whole season is about, is being flexible right now. Maybe you can't work your business, you know, the four hour chunk of time that you'd like to work it. Okay, can you do half hour increments here and there? Right? How can we trade with our spouses, like time with the kids so that you get some solid connection into your business time, but then you get to disconnect and hang out with them. And I did go into that on part one last week on how to manage your time and how to look at different scenarios of how you can, you know, get chunks of time to dedicate to your business.

So I don't want to rehash over that, but I just want to remind you that it is important for us to set these boundaries in place and to really understand how we can be the most present mom, wife, family member during the season of chaos. Right? Because I think a lot of us are in a big state of chaos and unknowns right now, but also be able to grow your business. So how can we put a little bit of attention to it, just so that we can get things moving forward, right? We don't want to just completely stop. And sometimes it means 15 minutes a day, and sometimes it means you don't get to work on your business for a day, but maybe a few days down the line, you know, in the next week you dedicate a little bit more time to it.

I just want to help you think of different ways on how you can do this. And then the last thing that I was thinking about, and I've read about this in the past too, that I think is a very unintentional way of being having our spouse sabotage our time that we're investing into our business or just our attention, right? The potential to distract us is that they will interrupt our time when we are working on our business or our goals. Right. Let's just say our goals too. Cause I think that to be the case that might, I look like, let's say you're at some sort of important business meeting and right now that might be via zoom. Well, they're responsible for watching the kids while you're on this important phone call, but here you are sitting on this wonderful call, acting all professional and handling business, as you need to.

And then your toddler just waddles in and the screen of your zoom video. And you're like, Oh my God, where, what happened? Why is my husband not taking care of the kids? Right? And sometimes kids are sneaky and they find their way around, which, you know, I totally know how that works too, even though mine is now a teenager. So thankfully I don't have that challenge right now, but I do have a four legged rebellious daughter who she likes to walk in on things all the time. And when I'm on calls, she likes to Huff and puff. And you guys know because Wonka is my cohost here on the podcast. And she likes to chit chat all the time. But anyways, what I was trying to get at here is that there will be those types of interruptions that they don't. I find to be that big of a deal.

You know, it's a kid walking in when they're supposed to be watching them, it's texting you or calling you in the middle of that important meeting. They know that you're at and that's distracting, right? We don't want to be distracted. We're in the middle of an important conversation, which might tip to combat that is I, when I need to be at something very important or like right now, I'm recording. And I don't want, sounds echoing in the background. My phone goes on, do not disturb because it distracts you. It takes away your attention and your focus. And then for you to redirect back, it is difficult. And I want you to use your resources as best as you can. So if your husband has got the kids and he's got things taken care of, do not disturb is perfectly acceptable while you're in that meeting or you're on that call or whatever it is that you're committing to for your business.

But it's, I know it's hard. I know it's not easy, but these are just little tweaks and things that we can do along the way. And to wrap things up here, I know that I shared a lot with you and it can feel like a challenge to recognize these things because it's true. We sometimes like ignore the signs that are happening around us, or we just don't even believe that it could be a potential sabotage from our own loved ones. And like I said, I don't think most often, okay, it's a purposeful thing to just stop you from progressing in your business. But it's a dependency thing sometimes, or it's just a habit thing sometimes. And it's our job as the business owner to recognize when it's time to shift things so that we can be as productive as possible. And that's what today's episode is all about is helping you just gain some awareness and see the signs, and then realize that in order to fix these things or to get some improvement around it is we need to be open about how we're communicating with our spouse.

Are we sharing with them the importance of what we're doing, what the value is, why this matters and why it's important for you to get some solid work time. And then how do we deal with it? Once we see that these are some underlying issues we're dealing with, you know, how about open conversation and start to set some boundaries because there's nothing more frustrating than being in the middle of something in your business to get interrupted, like you're in the flow, right? And then you get interrupted in the middle of it and it just kills your momentum. But at the same time, it's frustrating to be hanging out with your family. And no one's even looking at each other. We're all looking at screens or we're not even in the same room, we're in the same house, but not in the same room at all.

Like we don't want to be disconnected from our loved ones. So if we're really focused on intentional on our business activities, then guess what, we can be super focused and intentional with our family activities too. It just helps create some structure and organization into your time. And it just makes for a better environment and more positive, you know, opportunity to engage with your family. So I hope that these tips have been helpful for you today and that if you find yourself at a point where you need some clarity and you're just not sure, or you're trying to establish how to develop a roadmap in your business, I know how challenging that could be because I've been in your shoes. I've been stuck there with no idea of where I was going and had no good method to planning out my goals and planning out my hours that I would work on my business around my family needs my work needs and all the other things that us as mama's juggle.

Right? I just want you to know that you don't have to do it by yourself. That's what I love to help women do is to take a big picture, look of what's going on in your world. We sit down, we create your own custom map on how you can make this happen. And then I give you a little bit of tough love and hold you accountable in that journey. Because when you are working with someone to help you grow in your business and in your career, you need someone that's going to give you that outside perspective, but also in a kind and caring way, right? Because that's, I'm not, I say a little bit of tough love, which I will give you that, but at the same time, it's being mindful and knowing that, Hey, life happens too, and we need to account for all of it.

And we need to give ourselves a little bit of grace. So if you feel like you are a professional rebel, and you've been trying to make this transition from the corporate world into entrepreneurship, but you're just like, I have no idea how to do it. I have no idea how to, you know, make my way from one place to the next place. And I don't know what types of goals I should have and how to make this happen. I want to make it a reality. I just don't know how my friend that's how I can help you. I know that it's so challenging and I don't want you to feel frustrated anymore because we don't want to sit on that hamster wheel of just spinning circles around each other. And by going through this process of planning together and creating your roadmap, guess what it's going to help you with having a better structure in your life and your business so that you and your spouse are not feeling disappointed in your different views about your business or what it is that's going on in your household.

I hope that this will be something that you jump on because I only have, I have a few spots left this month and I absolutely we love, and I'm passionate about empowering women to just live in their purpose and to find the things that excite you so that you can continue on this journey to growing a business where you can launch, and you can leave the corporate world that you have been wanting to walk away from. I know that it probably feels overwhelming and I'm here to help you in that journey. So reach out to me, I'll link it in the show notes of how you can connect with me and you can get the coaching menu and we can talk about how we can design your own custom roadmap. Thank you for tuning in. I am so glad that you're here. I hope that you have a beautiful weekend and I can't wait to chat with you soon.

Hey Lovely ~ Before you go, are you wanting to dive deeper on how to embrace your fears and pivot in your life and career? I have free resources and tools for you!

  • Something I share about is the importance of setting a foundation and boundaries in our life and career. We do that by identifying our values and I have a free worksheet you can download if you are ready to pinpoint them in either English or Spanish.

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